You Complete Me

These words became so eminent in the 90’s after Jerry Maguire, played by Tom Cruise confesses his true feelings to Dorothy Boyd, the character played by Renee Zellweger. During that time, single women  including myself shudder at the thought of having someone say the exact same words to us. I mean, who wouldn’t? “You complete me” is the ultimate pick-up line!

That line became so endearing to many hopeless romantics, who wished someday their prince would come. Some of these women admittedly believe finding their one true love would complete their being, their life. I also had the same belief, that only the one person can fill the void in my lonely heart.

I may have shared in a previous post that I grew up with parents who fought a lot. They would argue about almost anything and that left me feeling insecure about their love for me and for my brother. As I grew older, unconsciously I was looking for love all the time. I would seek out new friends and hold on to them for as long as I can. I also looked to boys to find the elusive love I was looking for. I had my list of 101 crushes then and had a boyfriend at age 12. I have kept this relationship from my mom because I knew she would not allow it but it made me feel good at that time.

That relationship did not last long as my family moved to another city. In high school, I also sought other relationships until I met my first serious boyfriend during my senior year. The relationship lasted for almost three years and when it ended I was so devastated. I thought of ways of bringing him back but to no avail.  Just a few months after the break-up, he told me he already had a new girlfriend. That was a slap on my face. There was I was trying to win him back but he was so busy “getting to know” someone else already. It took a long time to finally get over this boy. I seriously thought we were going to end up together. I would picture him asking me to marry him and we will live happily ever after. He would be the one to complete me. Sadly, when the relationship ended, I felt incomplete again.

In each relationship that I had after that made me believe that the guy I was with was “the one”. Unfortunately, they were not. Many years had passed before I met “the one” for me. I met my husband in 2001 and got married the following year. It was a sweet and intimate wedding with family and friends to witness us exchange vows to each other. But soon after the wedding, I still felt incomplete. I began to doubt our relationship and thought that I married the wrong person. When our firs child was about 1-2 years of age, that discontent lingered. I asked myself why is there still that hole in my heart. I thought getting married would solve this predicament but I ended up being unhappy still.

I got reconnected with old friends from high school. They had invited me to join them in their game of badminton. Because I was out of shape that time, I excitedly joined them. We played Wednesday nights and after each game we would catch up on things over coffee. One of the persons in the group was an old flame. Little did I know that my old feelings for this person were coming back. That person was still single at that time and we just connected right away. We would exchange text messages or calls daily and that felt good. I knew the relationship was wrong but I thought, “Isn’t my happiness more important than right or wrong?”

I was talking about it to another friend in the group and I was sharing that I would be willing to leave my husband and go with this person. I also mentioned I didn’t care anymore if my parents or the people around me would hate me for it but I was willing to take the risk because being with this person makes me happy. I was surprised to hear her response, “Fix your marriage first”. I didn’t expect that from her since she was also in the same kind of relationship as I was. Not very long after that conversation, the person I was having an emotional relationship with told me that causing problems in  our marriage was not the intention and that I had be let go if it would ruin the marriage. We ended the relationship. I was rejected.

There I was unhappy with my life. Finding wholeness in other people. Finding completeness in being a mom yet none of them did it for me. I felt lonely, desperate and angry. Until a new couple friend of ours invited my husband and I for a bible study in their home. We agreed to join them every Friday and we went through the Purpose Driven Life. My eyes were opened to the reality that I exist in this world not for myself but for a purpose and that is to glorify God in all I do. I exist for his pleasure not mine and that it’s not all about me but about Him alone. We are recipients of His grace and mercy and instruments of his love.

I realized that the void I had in my  heart for a very long time could only be filled by the love of God. No person, position in life, riches or other tangible things can complete me. Only the Creator, the God of the heavens and the earth can do that. Because it was He who created that void in the first place. He put that there so that in His perfect timing, our longing to be reunited with Him goes hand in hand with His call to repentance.  I surrendered my life to Christ in 2004.

It has been 10 years since that couples’ bible study and my husband and I are continuously seeking the Lord in our lives. We don’t have a perfect marriage but God is fixing it supernaturally. I am still a work in progress but I am stepping out in faith to share what Christ has done in my life and my family. Now I can confidently utter the same words by Jerry Maguire to my God… Lord, you complete me!

16 So we have stopped evaluating others from a human point of view. At one time we thought of Christ merely from a human point of view. How differently we know him now! 17 This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!

18 And all of this is a gift from God, who brought us back to himself through Christ. And God has given us this task of reconciling people to him. 2 Corinthians 5:16-18

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Aaaargggghhhh

Hate it when that happens! I was so engrossed on the blog I was writing just now and I finally completed it. Then I found out that I lost my internet connection! I checked my drafts and it wasn’t there! It’s just so unbelievable and frustrating! I poured my whole heart into that blog and now it’s gone 😦 The momentum is gone too, I couldn’t redo now, I’m just aaarrgghh!

But then I heard a very still voice ask me, “Was that blog really to glorify me or yourself?” Wow! It dawned on me that maybe God did not allow me to publish that blog because I was too busy being creative, trying to impress the readers that I failed to check my heart. Yes, God sometimes prevents us from doing things because He knows He will not be glorified.

As I am writing this confession, I remember my devotion this morning. It was in the  book of Malachi. God was reminding the people to be faithful, to be faithful to their wives and even in their tithing. 

God wants me to be faithful in everything I do, in everything He has entrusted me with.

He wants me to be faithful to my husband of eleven years.

15 Didn’t the Lord make you one with your wife? In body and spirit you are his.[a] And what does he want? Godly children from your union. So guard your heart; remain loyal to the wife of your youth. 16 “For I hate divorce!” says the Lord, the God of Israel. “To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty,[b]” says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies. “So guard your heart; do not be unfaithful to your wife.” Malachi 2:15-16

 

Faithful to my children as I take care of them and continue to home educate them as long as God wants me.

18 “So commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these words of mine. Tie them to your hands and wear them on your forehead as reminders. 19 Teach them to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up. Deuteronomy 11:18-19

Faithful to my profession as continue to provide health services when needed.

23 Whatever you do, do your work [a]heartily, as for the Lord [b]rather than for men, Colossians 3:23

Faithflu to my leaders by submitting to their authority and being accountable to them.

13 Submit yourselves for the Lord’s sake to every human institution, whether to a king as the one in authority, 14 or to governors as sent [c]by him for the punishment of evildoers and the praise of those who do right. 1 Peter 2:13-14

 

And most of all faithful to God who saved me from eternal separation from Him. Faithful to Jesus Christ whom God used to cleanse me from all my sin and transform my life anew. 

I know that there would be times I would be unfaithful but I know God would surely remind to go back to the commitment I made with Him and that is for Him to be the Lord of my life. At the end of my so-called life, I am hoping my God will tell me, “Well done, my good and faithful servant.”

42 And the Lord said, “Who then is the faithful and sensible steward, whom his master will put in charge of his [a]servants, to give them their rations at the proper time? 43 Blessed is that slave whom his [b]master finds so doing when he comes.Luke 12:42

 

Time to Needle It

Jianne has been asking me to fix her favorite teddy bear for months now. “Beary” needs some stitching at the back of the head and the leg. Finally, she caught me this morning on a very light schedule, just watching a video online and asked if I could “needle” (meaning to sew) Beary.

So I took out my sewing kit and wore my reading glasses, my eyesight is getting poorer as I age 😦 She made sure I was going to use the correct thread color on her teddy. As I prepared for the “operation”, she gave Beary a quick hug and said, “It’s okay Beary. It’s going to hurt for a while but I will be here. I will hold your hand. Mama will fix just fix you up.”

Awww! What a sweet girl! Are you sure you’re my daughter? 🙂 Anyway, Beary’s ordeal was done in about 5 to 10 minutes because he had one hole in the head and one on his foot.

A thought came to mind while I was sewing Beary. I somehow compared Beary’s surgery to our own emotional and spiritual surgery. As we go continue to follow our Lord Jesus, we get hurt as walk the narrow path. We get emotional bruises, scratches, scrapes, bleeding wounds and even concussions. Why do we get hurt? Because we are by nature sinful, the old self comes to the surface once in a while and we not only end up hurting ourselves we also unintentionally hurt the ones we love. In time, the Lord in his great love for us would reveal to us our sin and calls us to repent and seek His forgiveness. 

There are also times when God is pruning and shaping our character, and that process too is painful. He gets rid of the filth that is in our heart. He uproots the pride, selfishness, envy and other sinful habits that has engulfed our being for the longest time. Being molded to the person He wants us to be is not in any way fun. We question Him. We fight Him. But if we stop fighting it and swallow our pride and allow Him to take control then His purpose in our life will slowly unfold.

One good thing I get from all of this is that He has allowed ALL these things to happen because He knows we can surpass it all with Him walking alongside us in this journey. We just need to trust our heart surgeon. He will always “needle” us back!

Jianne was so happy to see that tears in Beary’s body were fixed. She hugged him again and thanked Dr. Mama for the surgery.

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9

And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28

Don’t be scared Beary!

Uh-oh

tear at the back of the head

ouch!

good as new 🙂