Now What?

Ephesians 4:29 says, Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

Has anybody said anything hurtful to you? Are you a victim of people who are just irresponsible with their words that they have scarred you for life? How about receiving comments that made you doubt your worth, your abilities even your character?

My answer would be YES to all.  I was at the receiving end of nasty comments, criticisms and gossip in the past. Some comments affected me too much that a sense of insecurity enveloped my personality as a teenager. The comments made me believe I was not good enough, I was not pretty enough. Then, as an adult I experienced being accused for things I didn’t do. It hurts. It hurts really bad.

Recently, I received a comment which did not bother me at all. But after contemplating on that specific comment, it started to hit me.  The insecure part of me was all set to have a pity party. Unfortunately, the comment came at a time when I was seriously contemplating on what I want to do for the next 40 years of my life (if God permits me to live till 80). I’ll be turning 40 in a few days and I’m seriously planning the rest of my life 😉 Should I pursue my profession and really take it to the next level? Or chase after the dream I wanted for a very long time and at the same timed doing  what I really love doing?

The person’s comment made me doubt myself, my capabilities. It made want to turn the other way and just move on. Now, I am all the more confused! But then I thought that that’s her personal opinion, that’s how she sees things or how she sees me. I know who I am. I know what I can do. But what if what she said was true. What if I’m not really good enough? Am I living in mediocrity?

The way people see me is different from the way I see myself. More so does my Creator, my God. In times of doubt, I only see the ugly, rotten and wretched parts of my being but the Lord has a different view of me.  First of all, all  of God’s creation are beautiful. Everything he created has a purpose and a specific design. The Psalmist says this well in Psalm 139:14 I will praise thee for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful I know them full well.

Second, He know who I really am because “My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.” Psalm 139:15 He loves me for who I am and He is in the business in changing me and molding me to the woman of purpose. The woman He wants to use for His glory alone.

at_the_Crossroad_by_Hermanne_Allan_Poe

I am seriously in need of some soul-searching. I need to know where the Lord is taking me. What does he want me to do? What road does he want me to take? Regardless of how people see me or what people say about me, I should first and foremost focus on how God sees me. After all, whatever He wants me to do for the rest of my life, I am accountable to him. I am not answerable to my husband, my children, my parents, my mentor. Ultimately, I am answerable to my Creator.

I could never nor would I ever please everybody and that should not be my goal. Because no matter how hard I work, there will always be people who think I cannot measure up. I will fail them for sure and I would never achieve their expectations of me. All I need to do now  is to find what God really wants me to do. I need to focus on finding this path I have to take. I may be in the path already but have been distracted or delayed along the way. I pray that I be in that path He has set

For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Ephesians 2:10

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

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